Thursday 25 July 2013

Back in Time! 2005!

Wow I got one of my old colleagues to dig a very old article I wrote... Here it is unedited in true form! And people flame me recently as a Xbox nay sayer because I'm interested in PS4, told you I love Xbox....


The launch of Xbox 360 from Microsoft was coming up and I did not even flatter an eye lid, heck ussally when a new console launches I am the one who MUST have this new machine of gaming. I got to have my hands greased up with the ooze of excitement ready to dabble in the new games and console and screaming how much it rocks even if its the worse thing ever made (memories refers to Atari Jaguar). I had to play it till my thumb was named "XBox Thumb" I had to smell the memory card slot where I call it "The Bill Gates Smell" like the previous Xbox 1. The only problem is I failed at this launch.... or did I?

Don't get my wrong I did infact pre-order a Xbox 360 as soon as we could so instead of writing this I'd be on Xbox live screaming down voice comms "I GONNA HAVE U SUCKER!!!" or teaming up with someone on a sports game to only annoy my partner by repeatly saying "Pass me the ball! you can't handle your own balls let alone this ONE!".
I did the one big mistake and I canceled my pre-order a few months before launch due to A)wanting to upgrade my half burnt out pc made with twigs and b)games line up seem to be more stinky than my breath is on a sunday morning.Skipping ahead of time now the launch happened in the USA and from all the hype! from all the robberys, muggins and camping out that I read really made me want one more than a hot naked model rubbing Vaseline over her self on my bed! It wasen't the games and it wasent because its "NEXT GEN Hi-DEF!!" heck I'm all against Hi def I just want some great gameplay and poo graphics ala Nintendo Revo!
The main thing that had me hooked was all the talk about Xbox 360 LIVE! I wanted to get on and get a great high REP! and be known as WazMeister the ELITE that no one messes with, I wanted to get on with friends in USA and team up on PDZ owning other suckers and trash talking them to the pits of where they snap their head set.

Being the nut I am I still held out on pre-ordering and 10 days later the Europe launch hit us harder than when my dad used to tell me its going to hurt him alot more than me and slap my arse till it was red, raw and sore. Everyone was going frantic over it! Some people said walk in a Supermarket at 12pm and get one with ease! Others was screaming you'r never get one until 2006 unless pre-orderd in september!
I remeber finishing work that day ran in and used my mobile to ring at least 100 companies to see if they was opening at 12pm and have any spare to sell instead of pre-orders, I got some great replies ranging from being laughed at and told to "f**k" off!
I wasent just Wazmeister in my bedroom staring at a desktop wallpaper of 360 tempting to stroke it hell no I was now a MAN ON A MISSION to hunt down a 360 for launch!

With that I grabbed my coat and headed out on the travels to find one with mobile in hand and flip flops on feet.... which then lead to me running in and putting some shoes on, you see with all this 360 excitement it can make a man go crazy and even forget what his wearing. After hours of searching I felt ashamed, upset and close to tears! I felt like I was Arnold against Preditor and I just got beat to a pulp but I kept saying to myself "I might get knocked down but I'll get back up 10x stronger!".
I did not want the night to end without a 360 in my hands but y time all shops closed and it hit about 2am I called it a night and went home to my empty bed to be occpanied by tears.
At 22yrs old I actaulyl felt like crying... I had images of families all warm and cosy in their homes sitting aroun a 360 laughing and being jolly on a game of PDZ blowing out a computer controlled bot's brains and I wanted some of the action.
Days went on and nights became my days in search of a 360 and my work was being affected, I was typing my name as 360 after Regards in e-mails to top directors and lunch times I woulden't eat just to phone more companys to see if more stock has come in yet more laughs, giggles and to be told "You won't get one now till 2006" but each time someone told me that it made me more eager to get one for at least Xmas Day!

Now I know your thinking "Wow 360 is not that great to do the above you utter greasy, geeky, spotty MORON!!!" but it was not just the fact of having a 360 to play but the sheer heck of getting one and proving everyone who laughed at me, told me I woulden't get one till next year and just thouht I was a plain plonker wrong. I wantd to get one in time for xmas to just say to myself "Gutted, have this your sales people! have this MS! and have this your fellow Xbox Livers out there.. I AM GOING TO OWN U!".
To be hoenst none of them really care or even know I exisit or got one but to myself it was the real MISSION, every weekend since launch I kept popping into town to ask each shop with more laughs and jokes it made me more persistant than a turtle trying to get back on its feet.

I started to hold a broken Logitech pad I have for my PC and pretend I was playing 360 arcade games and talking over comms on my mobile phone, I felt really there playing in this community of online console gaming yet still no real 360 sitting next to me where I polished the desk just for when it does come one day.
One thing I did do was check ebay constantly but with the prices being at £800 or so for just a prem on its own was ridicalous! I did not even have £800 and my mission was to get a 360 not to be living on the streets with one paying £800 pounds.
After some thinking and some sweating and then some more thinking with a result of my head hurting I thouht I check a few other ebay sites and one being Germany! Sitting with a online translotor trying to make ense of 360 auctions and converting euros to Pounds I finally saw a light! Prices that were a measly £10 or so pounds more than a Retail over here! And with them being PAL they are exactly same as UK machines but with 2 pin plugs not 3! (Easily fixable).
After spending a whole night translating german people and then finding they speak english in the end (doh!) I found a deal and not any old deal it had a extra wireless pad and a game!
Obivsouly the game will be german and that might give me more fun out of it trying to work out what the dam words mean but still it was a deal well worth my hard earned cash and to have for xmas day!
Sitting with my browser clicking refresh more times than someone clicks the tv remote to find something good it came to the last 3 minutes and I whacked down a bid of 600 euros and I won it at 585 euros!

When it said you have "WON THIS ITEM!" I swear I leaped to the sky screaming my head off, my parents ran up stairs thinking I was being attacked but after they realized why i was screaming they told me I was "mad!" yet I carried on dancing and screaming around my house thrusting against my brother whom is busy playing World Of warcraft and doing molten care I was happily putting him off with my crutch thrusts screaming "YEA YEA TAKE IT! YOU WANT IT? YOU LOVE IT FEEL MY 360!!!!!" which resulted him getting killed and loosing something called Experince?.
After winning I asked the german lad to use paypal and the total cost was 600 euroes which is £400 Uk Pounds which sounds alot but at uk retail the package would of cost me £350 so I paid £50 quid for P&P or looking at another way £50 pounds more than retail.
I was happy I finally got one and could rest from my mission, I felt mission accomplished! I went to work telling people about my new son, my new born MY console which sits next to a german man wrapped up in german paper ready for me!
From being young at school learning german i used to hate it but after winning my xbox I wanted to learn german just to show grattiude to this buy of a console! It shall defo be a memory I'll never forget!.

So here I sit waiting for my 360 to come from germany thats if it ever does I have real paranoia on this buy! Not only that but when it does arrive I've promised myself not to open it till xmas day, why you ask your self?
Well just think not only will I have more excitement built up waiting til xmas day but just image me waking up at 4am in my stinky pants running down stairs and ignoring my stocking on my bedroom floor to just rip open some crisp clean wrapping paper to reveil not only some new Xbox 360 games but a whole new console! Its enough to make me spit on the floor and have my stinky pants become seman stained pants.
So I ask you this, xmas day don't think of turkey!, Don't think of gifts!, heck don't even think of family time but think of me sitting in my bedroom in my stinky, now seman stained pants from excitement logging on Xbox 360 live and rearing to play along side you and against you all while screaming down voice comms "I love you all MERRY XMAS EVERYONE!!!".
Expect to hear about my experinces on Xbox live and my first time playing the 360 soon... But do be careful if you see WazMeister on live be oh so Afraid!!!

Merry Xmas Everyone.

WazMeister


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